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As important as relationships are to me, I still find myself burdened under the weight of carrying the emotional load.
I have grown up in a culture (western) where material gain is given more weight than emotional intelligence. And maturity is quantified by dollars and cents. In this culture, popularity “trumps” (pun absolutely intended) common sense, and healing is bypassed by numbness. But chasing things, coins, and likes has intensified the contagion of emotional ignorance.
Regardless, relationships are still important to me and I am committed to being better at them.
The cultural design has made relationships women’s work. Meaning, women are more likely to invest in becoming better at relationships. Not because men do not benefit from relationship enhancement, in fact, it’s quite the contrary. Men profit from relationships (particularly romantic) more often than women. But for the most part, they have not been required to be better.
As women, it is our responsibility to hold the men in our lives to a higher standard. Not just our husbands, lovers, and boyfriends, but also our sons, nephews, and friends. Evolution is merely a response to adversity, which means that they cannot evolve if we continue to keep quiet about our grievances and discomfort. Men cannot commit to being better if they are never asked to be.
The exodus that is currently being played out on the media stage is an example of what happens when we submit and comply. If these men had been held accountable, not just by the women they assaulted, but also by those who were made aware of their indiscretions, the “body count” would be lower.
I know showing up to relationships with people who do not show up for you feels burdening. Hell, I’m feeling it too. But we already know what happens when we just let it go.
So call a spade a spade. If you witness a man (he doesn’t have to be your man) being inappropriate…use your words. If you experience disengagement and disinterest from your partner…use your words. When your son dismisses concerns with language like “I got confused” or “I don’t know what you’re talking about”, use your words.
Gender bias will die when we kill it. It’s time to hold all genders accountable for their words, deeds, and actions.
Sexual assault/harassment/misconduct is the result of undeveloped emotional intelligence. In other words, if they knew better, they would do better.
Consent is a conversation that begins in childhood and never ends…like, never.
Our intimate relationships not only shape our lives, they define our culture. Which is why we (women) must be steadfast in our commitment to be good at relationships so that the men in our lives can show up for us in a way that allows us to feel safe, supported, and loved.
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The post Why Showing up in Relationships Is Important—Even When It Feels Like a Burden appeared first on The Good Men Project.