When I was born (1943) and growing up, men tended to consider women to be second-class citizens. Men’s work was considered more vital, men’s opinions more relevant, men’s needs more important. It was scarcely 20 years prior to my birth that white women were given the right to vote. Even then, the 19th amendment giving them that right, passed in the Senate by only two votes.
Women at that time had very few opportunities. Their supposed emotionality and irrationality disqualified them from “important” work, as did their comparative physical weakness. The vast majority of women were relegated to the home and expected to be mothers and housewives. There were few areas of employment open to them, mostly in jobs that involved caretaking— nurse, waitress, secretary, school teacher, and, of course, prostitute.
We boys were taught bias against girls from an early age, mostly by our schoolmates. In school, girls were looked down upon by boys. The meanest insult from other boys was to be “like a girl”. We were shamed and ostracized if we didn’t excel in sports or if we showed feeling and sensitivity. Our fathers demanded we “be a man.” Even our mothers perpetuated prejudice, often treating the boys in the family as special. This prejudice against the “weaker sex” was baked into us and existed beneath our awareness. The inferiority of women was considered a given by both men and women.
Times have changed and are continuing to change. Women hold top positions in industry, science medicine, and government. More women than men are getting college degrees. Some fields, like psychology, real estate, and public relations, formerly dominated by men, now have women in the majority. Women are standing up and refusing to be bullied by men who don’t treat them with respect. They are demanding equal opportunities, equal wages, equal recognition.
In spite of the progress women have made, many of us men still hold prejudice against girls and women. Gender bias can exist within us in subtle, or not-so-subtle form. We might reflexively assume that we deserve preferential treatment because we are male. We might automatically give more credence to the opinion of a male expert over that of a woman. We might get ruffled when a woman beats a man in competition, and feel emasculated when that man is us. We might feel we have the right to interrupt or speak over a woman who is talking. We might feel we are entitled to touch a woman without her permission. We might tell demeaning sexist jokes to our buddies or not object when these are told to us. We might pass up an opportunity to teach our son when he shows signs of gender bias. We might bristle around a strong, opinionated woman, or one who demands respect. At home, though we might occasionally help with housework, we may consider cleaning and cooking exclusively “women’s work.”
Gender equality begins in our own heart, mind, and home. I think it would be helpful if you would look into your heart and mind to see where your prejudices against women lie. Then look for where those prejudices impact your partner. Examine how those prejudices are affecting your relationship.
The biases you may hold against half the living beings on the planet cannot help but negatively affect your relationship with your partner and with the interactions you have with all the women in your life.
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This post is republished on Agents of Change on Medium.
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